Living Life On A $1.96

I have learned from my discovery of the art world what I could not have learned elsewhere. Although, I believe others could have easily learned the same things elsewhere. I have learned through the disappointment of finding out that technically I am below par in artistry and that I probably couldn’t make it as a professional artist.

From trying to make works of art I learned how to accept my failures and how to create outlets for me when I did fail, so that I could make something positive come from my failures. Therefore art made me aware of what I loved in life. I discovered what Alfred Lord Tennyson had already figured out, “The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.” I learned how to master my passions. But lately I have failed to continue mastering my passions, I remain absent. Not in art alone, but in many other things.

I have tried to seperate myself from kyle and my heart has grown absent. I've tried to seperate myself from my family and my bond between them has broken. I have created a blank place, a void, and it feels like it will never be filled. I have let my mind deteriorate; it is dust. If it is dust, why am I not dead? why am I not free of this void?

Why am I using this blog to say such things?

CHange UP

So deciding what you're future is in college is a load of crap, it's too difficult. I have been put in a society that lets me wait to the very last minute to make any decisions about my life and I liked it, I loved it in fact. Now it's coming to bite me in the ass. Not that I'm angry to be bit in the ass, that can be quite pleasurable I hear. Well depending on the reciever and the giver. Anyway. I had a wonderful time with Kyle this weekend, he didn't bite me on the ass but he gave it a good slap. For some reason I find that extremely pleasurable, well at least the first 4-5 times then it hurts. It sends a jolt through my system and I am in great need of that.

Last tuesday I was night monitoring and the guy I work with Rizwaan kept saying he hated dash-unds and after a while I was like what in the world is a dash-und. He's like you know those little dogs. I'm like, "You mean dachsunds" and he's like, Yeah, dash-unds.